About a week ago, something happened in my shop that I’ve still not entirely processed. And I’m still smiling because of a particular crazy-eyed kid.
It was a slower day, and the three people working the shop were Adam (boss-man), Kelsey (cashier/friend), and myself. Kelsey was at the register, Adam just around the windowed corner, and I was sitting at a table near the register, as nothing had been ordered for about 10 minutes. A kid walks in, Kelsey greets him, and I turn around to get a look at him. I guess he’s no older than 14, he’s pale, wearing a baseball cap with the brim slightly pointing up, and a black jacket. This was odd because it was a fairly nice, warm day, but even more odd were his eyes. They were bugged out. The kind of look you only really get about once a week from some random passerby with a caffeine addiction. He was at the point that if he didn’t get a fix in the next five minutes, coldsweats would have ensued.
Okay, but really, he was a little bugged out, and talking and moving quickly. Definitely coke or caffeine addict (same difference).
Kelsey: “What can I get for you?”
Kid: “Do you know what a shot in the dark is?”
Kelsey’s not sure and looks to me for an answer, his eyes follow hers as I stand up to start making the drink. I answer, “Yeah, want me to get that started?”
Kid: “Two shots into a black coffee, right?”
I give him my smartass grin and say, “Actually, that’s called a Black Eye. A shot in the dark is just one shot.”
I had guessed that his bug eyes couldn’t get any bigger, but I was incorrect. The look he gave me at correcting him was similar to one that most people would give you for offending their mother. “Okay…” he trails off into a thought.
Obviously I know my boundaries well and that I’ve already crossed one, I continue to offend his mother (aka, correct him on coffee lingo a little more). ”And three shots in the dark? It’s called a Red Eye.” I wait for a response from him. Nothing. I crack a bigger smile, laugh a bit, and say, “I’m just playing with you, man. I mean, those terms are used, but from what I hear, it’s more California lingo, I’ve never heard that anywhere else.”
Still completely astounded that his mother’s image had been destroyed by me, he says entirely straight-faced, “Right, but I’m not from California…” I conceal a laugh.
Adam, sensing that I may have killed someone, comes around the corner just watching what is happening.
The kid turns away from me and back to Kelsey, “You know what, do you just have any unused coffee beans?”
Kelsey is now stunned for two reasons. The first being that she had no idea how to answer the query. The second because she was trying to hide her tears from laughing so hard. She turns to Adam who’s now standing over her shoulder, preparing an answer.
Adam: “Sure, what’s up?”
Kid: “Oh, I just eat straight coffee beans.”
Adam: “You realize that’s a little weird, right?”
Kid: “Yeah, but what other 13 year-old asks for a shot in the dark?”
Adam sizes the kid up. He doesn’t laugh. The kid is completely serious. ”One sec.” He goes back into the roast room, scoops about half an ounce of coffee beans out of a bag, comes back around the corner and gives them to the kid, and says “And for the record, no coffee goes unused.”
The kid swings the entire handful of coffee beans straight into his mouth without saying another word, begins crunching them, and starts walking out of the store, while mumbling through the mouthful some semblance of a “thanks”.
Kelsey, Adam, and I all look at each other, barely even able to get out a laugh because of how weird that just was.
“What the fuck?” Adam says, and we all bust out laughing.
